Happy birthday to meeee

[chickiedeare]

Having a January birthday feels like getting a second whack at all the New Year's stuff - reflection! goals/ideas!

This year I would like to:

• Go back to the gym in a way I enjoy - I used to like my gym routine in grad school, I liked the way I felt afterwards, but there's an activation energy of getting into it and talking myself into paying for it. I also need to really commit to my physical therapy *before* any gym possibility, because otherwise I will just get hurt again. Step one: do your PT.
• Read one book each month. This hasn't happened yet this month, tho I did read a 240k Dragon Age fanfiction. There's still a few days though, and what better excuse than a birthday weekend + the Anciliary Justice ebook arriving on my phone.
• See a play. I live in New York City. I'd like to see the gay Oklahoma casting that's apparently coming to Broadway. Enter some lotteries.
• Get a new job. This was a goal last year, and I did it, and turns out this job isn't any better, and I've known that for oh, 8 months. Applying is extremely hard. Gotta do it anyway.
• I'd like to write the Teen Monster Breakfast Club one-shot I've been thinking of since, oh, September. I'd like to take a crack at writing fanfiction. I'm totally paralyzed by intertia and decisions and perfectionism on these fronts.
• I'd like to buy a premade adventure and run it for a group. I'd like to go back to contra dancing (see: PT) and to the Captain Awkward meetup and to the queer RPG night at my local game store.
• I want to go to ComicCon this year. Last year I didn't care until the week of and then I REALLY REALLY wanted to go. Plan this time.
• I'd like to knit a garment and a pair of socks.

I know these are not yet ~actionable~ goals, mostly. 


I had a lot of shower thoughts and therapy talk towards the end of 2018 about just... being fucking braver or more resilient than I think I am, or than the people around me. Starting an awkward conversation, or taking myself to the doctor, or letting work drama roll off. Moving through the cycles of my emotional landscape, what I can tolerate, what needs attention. At this point things that used to be crisis are at least familiar enough to be workable... which means it's time to go back to work on them in a slow way and not a fires-everywhere way.